Tuesday, 28 February 2012

The Gizz Factor-10 of the Most Insane (and Genius) Film Related Images!


From the universe of: American Psycho (2000)

Why it is Insane:
Patrick Bateman-this is your life!
Imagine taking the most horrendous line in a film about despicable, capitalist violence and glorifying it as though it were Joycean wisdom. This is it! For those that wear women's stockings over their faces and wish that executions were televised events, here is the fridge magnet for you!

Why it is actually Genius:
Just look at the result! Look at it's tasteful thickness, it's subtle off-way colouring. It's almost elegant. Hey, isn't that the theme of American Psycho?! Superficial material values covering acts of heinous aggression. Yup, this one is a real thinker.


From the Universe of: Total Recall (1990)

Why it is insane: Here it is-the screen-grab that Sartre would have favored. It is no less a screen-grab than it is Occam's Razor. Here, the insanity of one of history's most ridiculous films meets the insanity of all-too-obvious screen text in meme heaven. I call this piece "Combustion", but "EEEW" would be sufficient.

Why it's actually Genius: Because, let's face it, this is a statement about Arnold Schwarzenegger's entire career! Seriously, what do you need to know about thirty years of Arnie acting that you don't learn from this screen-grab?? I would certainly recommend this over End of Days, perhaps even Running Man.



From the Universe of: Star Wars 

Why it's Insane: If "Gay Empire". "Time for War", and "Suckadelic" on a toy box aren't ridiculous enough for you (and they should be, for goodness sake), think of the implications of an entirely gay clone army. I'm guessing we would hear much more clunking of helmets. Aren't the clone troopers already derivative enough?!

Why it's actually Genius: Two reasons. Firstly, it's fantastically camp and imaginative! isn't that what this Saga is supposed to be about? Secondly, I bet george Lucas is made that he got screwed on the licensing of this obviously unofficial product line.


From the universe of: The Silence of the Lambs (1990), and loosely The Break-Up (2006)

Why its insane: Well, sometimes the subtle implications of a film just isn't enough-the fans have to run with it. Yes, there was a certain strange charm to the interactions between young FBI-trainee Clarice Starling and deranged serial killer Hannibal Lector. Somehow, though, I don't think Clarice's legs can be opened as easily as a bottle of nice Chianti. 

Why it's actually Genius: Because it's the most cathartic use of a mid-rate rom-com ever conceived. You see, though any theories of attraction between Clarice and Dr. Lector are grossly misjudged, it is cathartic for the fans sake to break the tension. Just look at that tagline, those cheeky eyes! Finally, this case can be put to bed. 


From the universe of: Lord of the Rings, X-Men, Ian-freaking-McKellen.

Why it's insane: Well, Sir Ian McKellen showed up to a gay pride rally wearing a t-shirt which basically represents shameless self-promotion rather than the righteousness of his cause. He doesn't even seem too enthused about it.

Why it's actually Genius: Because Gandalf and Magneto are masculine and bad-ass. Here is the best gay rights statement possible. I am a gifted and legendary actor that has entertained millions-I just happen to be gay. I'm wiping away the tears as I write this!


From the universe of: Troy (2004)

Why it's Insane: This one is a real smorgasbord. Doesn't this just sum up the extent to which Troy sucked. seriously, Brad's contrived grin as a plane sails by-it says more than words ever could.

Why it's actually genius: Okay, so I am a huge Brad Pitt fan. Nonetheless, even I must confess that he can't play method parts. Thus, what is amazing about this screen-grab is that Brad Pitt's shitty acting is actually more ridiculous than the plane. Look at it! We can forgive that 747, but Brad's The Devil's Own glare will have to go! The buck must stop here, readers!


From the universe of: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Why it's Insane: I don't know of this is an outtake, a fan pic, a behind the scenes photo, or all three. Furthermore, I don't care! The sight of the decrepit, invalid Grandpa escaping from his basement lair to basque in the afternoon sun is truly a sight to behold. i didn't know he could leave the house! Did they wheel him out! Would that attract police attention?! 

Why it's actually genius: Look how contented he looks?! Look at those snazzy ram skulls on his fancy rocking chair?! The movie should have ended with this obscene moment of horror tranquility.


From the universe of:  The Big Lebowski (1998)

Why it's Insane: This kind of blasphemy would make Monty Python consume their own trousers.

Why it's actually Genius: Look at the adoration od the disciples! Way to sell a joke guys! 'Bout time Da Vinci was used to flog a Coen Brothers meme. The adoration of the figures make Quintana's thrusting nothing short of transcendant.
(note-the hilarious feet under the table.)


From the Universe of: Total Recall (1990)...naturally.

Why it's insane: Needs no introduction.

Why its actually genius: Merits no explanation.

And, finally...


From the Ghostly universe of: Ghostbusters (1984)

Why it's Insane: So here we have it-the saddest and most baffling of the lot. In trying to clutch the remaining few straws of celebrity before fading entirely into the camp-icon-abyss, it seems that Ghostbusters star Ernie Hudson got indadvertedly violated at a convention signing...by himself.

Why it's actually Genius: This is profound in a sad way; a kind of comic tragedy. There are so many sad connotations to this picture when one reflects on it. This is a man who has been truly screwed by his former self. Ernie's status as an camp icon has been a double-edged sword. On one hand, playing Winston Zeddmore in the Ghostbuster franchise has brought him fame. On the other hand, it has rendered him a life-long, and now clearly desperate one trick pony. 
There you are-a pixelated lament.



  1. A point of note on the Hannibal-Clarice Break up business. In the last book Hannibal (before the other last book Hannibal Rising) Jodi and the good Doctor do in fact get it on-believe it or not. It sounds wildly stupid out of context but it actually stole my ability to breath when I read it. I think it mentioned something about sex being 'a wonderfully zestful addition to their day' and said it was also possible for Clarice Starling to now scare Hannibal Lecter. I think I read that last chapter almost ten times. Amazing. I hope you weren't planning to read the book anytime soon.

  2. Wow! I'm going to read it now!!